Best Practice: Tools and Tips for Divorced Parents and Divorce ...

? ?It stands to reason that if you have more power than your spouse at the divorce negotiating table you will have more success achieving your goals. Perhaps you have deeper financial resources than the other parent or a history of more extensive involvement with the children. You might expect the court will view the other parent?s behavior negatively and reward you with a favorable settlement. Maybe your lawyer said the law supports your position regarding the current issues. ?If you see your situation in one of these ways, you are likely to feel less inclined to make concessions or to feel urgency about reaching an agreement. But beware: relying upon your apparent advantage can be a hidden disadvantage.

?? Consider the experience of one divorcing mother. As a fulltime parent, she had been the primary influence in their children?s lives and deservedly took the majority of credit for their good adjustment. She and her lawyer were confident the court would name her the primary custodian, award her more parenting time than the standard plan, and allow her to move near her parents? home in another state.? Her husband had not been a bad parent, he just hadn?t been all that involved. ? During conversations prior to mediation, her husband said he appreciated her parenting contributions but he also took more parenting credit than she thought he deserved. ??Unfortunately, she mistakenly concluded that he was posturing and distorting the facts to improve his negotiating position. Like many negotiators with a relatively stronger position, she was over-confident and under-estimated the other party?s ability to influence the outcome of the negotiation. Such over-confidence can lead negotiators to act disrespectfully, to have unrealistic goals, to not prepare, and to over-look strengths in the other?s position. ?? In this instance, the mother was surprised to learn during mediation that he had done his homework and discovered that the standard practice of their judge was to order shared parenting time, joint custody, and relocation restrictions ? regardless of prior parenting arrangements. She was not in such a strong position after all; her expectations were unrealistic. ? ? Preparation is the key to overcoming such hubris. Prepare as thoroughly as you would if you were the underdog. Consider the issues from the other parent?s perspective ? and how you would increase your negotiating power if you were in a similar position.

Source: http://aeschylus-otis.blogspot.com/2012/08/hubris.html

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